CLASSIFICATIONS

141. HULA-HOOPSTER

Hula-hooping is back with a venereal vengeance!  The greatest mathematical minds developed this ironic formula: Tight pants + hula hooping = undeniable sex appeal.  You just can’t argue with hard science...or this hula-hooping hunk.

PRETENSION: 2, His skills aren’t quite there

IRONY: 6, Hipsters hula-hooping, HA!

OCCUPATION: Preschool dance instructor

142. CASA NOVA HIPSTER

Don’t listen to a word this hipster lothario says.  He IS trying to seduce you, me and half the Western Hemisphere.  His tight white pantalones are so virile they knocked up an elderly woman in Cambodia.  Right now he’s going through his booty-texts to decide who on his roster of lucky ladies (and dudes) gets to ride his white pony.


PRETENSION: 9, He knows you know he’s gorgeous

IRONY: 5, He has herpes... SSSHHH!!!!

OCCUPATION: Seduces old widows

143. NEW HIPSTERS ON THE BLOCK

No screaming teenybopper can resist NHOTB.  Like all great boy bands, these hipster dreamboats were raised in a record label basement in Orlando.  We have Timmy the boyish bad boy, Mikey the wise-cracking joker, Otto the old guy, and Miguel the sexually-ambiguous Latino.  I smell a platinum record! 


PRETENSION: 10 million records sold and still going

IRONY: 5, They were born out of test tubes

OCCUPATION: Boy band

144. HIPSTER FAIRY LOVE AFFAIR

Poor Luv Muffin thought he’d never find love no matter how much glitter he rubbed on his chest.  The other hipster fairies dissed his pink tights, glittery mini-skirt and goth boots.  But Luv Muffin proved everyone wrong when he met Pinkerina, his destiny.

PRETENSION: 2, Lack of love = low self esteem

IRONY: 5, They said he’d be alone forever

OCCUPATION: Hipster forest fairies

145. WHAT IT TAKES TO PLAY HIPSTER-MURAL KICKBALL

146. ELMO HIPSTER

“Elmo Hipster never miss Coachella.  Elmo love music and people and dancing and ice cream and... and... and... drugs!  Yay!!!!”

PRETENSION: 7, He knows how cuddly he is

IRONY: 8, He gutted and Elmo doll for fur coat

OCCUPATION: Sesame Street Sweeper

147. HIPSTER BALLOON WARRIORS

Never fear, concert goers!  The Balloon Warriors are here.  Their pajama bottoms radiate masculinity, their balloon helmets protect them from bad vibes, the twirling battle spear can cut through cobwebs.  You can rest assured that the music venue is safe once more thanks to their brave and hallucinogen-inspired antics.


PRETENSION: 4, Their actions are noble (AKA annoying)

IRONY: 4, Their battle spear popped battling a shrubbery

OCCUPATION: Guardians of the Groove

148. HIPSTER CINCO DE MAYO!!!

This picture has nothing to do with Mexican Independence Day, which is actually September 16th (who says this site is not educational?).  But it is Cinco de Mayo so let’s celebrate Mexican heritage and culture.  Loosen those skin tight blank pants, pop open a cerveza and dance around like a Mexican jumping bean.  Ole!


PRETENSION: 0, Mexicans are great people

IRONY: 0, If you can’t speak Spanish, tough shit

OCCUPATION: One nation powered by frijoles

149. VANITY JANE AND JOHN HIPSTER

Jane (left) is obsessed with maintaining his twink physique.  He has tried everything from bulimia to the white diet to maintain.  Good think he has sugar daddy John (right) to buy him the latest threads from Obey and keep his fragile self esteem in tact.  You gotta love gay hipsters in love.


PRETENSION: 7, Beauty like this ain’t free

IRONY: 5, They have the Betty Ford Clinic on retainer

OCCUPATION: Fashion police deputies

150. HIPSTER GENERATION ON THE FENCE

Like it or not, young hipsters like these meek specimens below will inherit the earth.  With major world crises looming like Global Warming, Food Shortage, and Beer Drought, let’s hope they pull their collective thumbs out of their tight-panted arses.  Otherwise they’ll be saying shit like, “Rising infant mortality rates are so ironic.”

PRETENSION: 9, Youth + vanity = indifference

IRONY: 7, They’ve been on the fence all day

OCCUPATION: They just can’t decide