CLASSIFICATIONS

51.HIPSTARFUCKERS

Every hipster has a dream of at least catching chlamydia from a star like Jack White or Amy Winehouse. The ratpackster on the right is dry humping dean martin’s star.


PRETENSION: 5

IRONY: 8.5

occupation: Hollywood tour guides

Looks like Frances Bean gets to babysit herself again.  Rager at the cobain residence!  Maybe kurt’s ghost will come out and do an acoustic set, and maybe the loose change won’t fall through his guitar case.


PRETENSION: 7

IRONY: 9

OCCUPATION: Consultant on ‘Weeds’

52. COURTNEY LOVESTER

This is the last known photo of the original hipster before he “disappeared” in CIA custody back in ‘82.  The great Hipsterus Maximus encouraged his mustached warriors to “be bold with your irony.  With enough disdain, we can take down this sellout world.”


PRETENSION: 10 thousand

IRONY: 10 Trillion

OCCUPATION: Guinness World

Record holder: Greatest mustache


53. HIPSTERUS MAXIMUS

54. HIPSTER IN THE WINDOW

“How much is that Hipster in the window? (blah, blah)

The one with the

tight stripedy pants.

How much is that Hipster in the window? (Blah, blah)

I bet He’s too cool to dance.


PRETENSION: 0, it’s not human

IRONY: 10, it’s made of plastic

OCCUPATION: Mannequin

55. TACO TRUCKSTER

“Te Quiere Taco Bell?” Fuck that.  Real hipsters know It’s all about tight pants, striped hoodies and tacos off the roach coach.  Word up.  Eating jalepenos is so ironic, ya know?

PRETENSION: 5

IRONY: 5

OCCUPATION: National spokesman for Taco Tuesdays

56. GROSS-STER

The mind boggles trying to think of any historical social movement more hygienic and sophisticated than modern day hipsters.  C’mon, the renaissance?  The Roman Empire?  They hadn’t even invented cocaine yet let alone pork pie hats and light beer.   Go back to 3rd grade and read a history book!


PRETENSION: 10

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Dumpster diver


57. SANTA’S AWOL ELVESTER

This was santa’s protege Carlos.  Carlos was in the city on business for santa when he fell in with an unsavory hipster crowd.  Now Carlos is an elf gone wild, partying and fornicating with human girls. Time for damage control, santa! 

PRETENSION: 10

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Mrs. Claus’ secret lover


58. HO HO HIPSTERS

A miracle just occurred outside a bethlehem dive bar.  Mary and Jojo were too wasted to drive.  On the cab ride home Mary miraculously gave birth to a hipster messiah already sporting a full faux-hawk and curly-Q mustache.  She didn’t even know she was pregnant!  Hallelujah!

PRETENSION: 7

IRONY: 8

OCCUPATION: Christmas carolers

59. DAY AFTER X-MAS HIPSTERS

While most americans shop today for gifts they actually want, a few brave hipsters are boldly lying in bed sweating out their massive xmas hangovers.  Crowds and blow out sales are lame anyway.  besides anything worth buying is at the Good Will.

PRETENSION: 0, They’re too hung over to try

IRONY: 10, They’re NOT too sick to mock

OCCUPATION: 30 hours community service

60. MIDWEST HIPSTER INVASION

Those of you who thought the Midwest was immune to hipsteritus, think again!  The Hipsters are here and consuming everything in their path.  Once ambition and hygiene go, there’s no way to get rid of them short of dropping napalm on Chicago's Logan Square, Wicker Park and Ukrainian Village, then shutting down the Milwaukee's Best Brewery.  No Beast? That’s Unamerican...like letting the terrorists win!

*Pics courtesy of Scotty in South Bend, Indiana

PRETENSION: 2, But it’s growing exponentially

IRONY: 8, Ever seen a small town hipster?

OCCUPATION: 80% unemployment checks, 20% trust funds