CLASSIFICATIONS

Williamsburg doesn’t know it yet, but the Czechster brothers are about to rock its world.  No woman can resist their charm or their elegant garlicky body odor.  If your fiancee falls under their spell just give up...she’s already forgotten your name.


PRETENSION: 4

IRONY: 8

OCCUPATION: Pro swingers

44. THE CZECHSTER BROS.

A true hipster can never truly appreciate life without a cigarette.   that way they can ponder their existence while scattering health concerns into the ethos.  It’s like that old song says, “Only the Good Die Young.”


PRETENSION: 4

IRONY: 8

OCCUPATION: Marlboro Man’s grandson

45. LUNG CANCESTER

No whorepster or bag of blow can break the bond between a hipster and his dog.  This Hollywood hipster tamed the heart of his bitch by gently whispering the lyrics to his debut solo album.  The words never fail to put the dog and any innocent bystanders to sleep.


PRETENSION: 9

IRONY: 9

OCCUPATION: Dog walker

46. DOG WHISPSTERER

48. 70’S ERA PROMSTER


Hey ladies, wouldn’t he be the ideal prom date...Circa 1976?  On second thought, You boys might have a shot at him too.  Just offer him a Tab or some coke, and he’ll be ready to party like it’s the bicentennial all over again.


PRETENSION: 8

IRONY: 7.6

OCCUPATION: Beanbag salesman

  1. 47. KARATE KIDSTER


A “Crossroads”-era Ralph Macchio impersonator.  This hipster is looking for his Elizabeth Shue but his empty pockets are getting hims nowhere fast at the cash bar.  Besides, she’s looking for a guy in a jujitsu outfit.


PRETENSION: 5

IRONY: 7.5

OCCUPATION: Street air-guitarist

That’s right.  This tight-panted badass has the moves to back up his mohawk.  For the right price this part time drummer, part time soldier of fortune will take out your trash.  Surcharge for excess ruthlessness.  And he doesn’t work until after his hangovers wear off around 11.


PRETENSION: 3

IRONY: 7

OCCUPATION: Mercenary

41. HIPSTER ASSASSIN

CUE PIERCING GUITAR RIFF:

Da na na na na na na

Da na na na na na na


Ricky Ricardo came home one day with flowers, shouting “Lucy, I’m home!”  But Lucy’s not here, ricky.  She left you and

Little Ricky and moved to Hollywood to

finally become a star, at least among the kitschy hipster community. 



PRETENSION: 3

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Lives off residuals & food stamps

42. I LOVE LUCESTER

Don’t let the frilly white scarf and sinister half-baked glare fool you.  This is the casanova of hipsters.  The girl he’s chatting up already knows who’s she’s going home with...that cocky douche-monger with the scarf.


PRETENSION: 9

IRONY: 5

OCCUPATION: Rentboy

43. ONE NIGHT STANDSTER

Channeling Richard Marx just ain’t as easy as it used to be.   The latest member of our pantheon is  a hairline cut above the rest.  Great with directions, a C+ in the sack, and “with the band”.  Not bad for a first date.  when the going gets tough, he might even put half the take-out on the company card.


PRETENSION: 5

IRONY: Lost on him

OCCUPATION: The guy who signed “Hoobastank”

50. JUNIOR LABEL EXECSTER

Most humans with super powers use them for good, others for evil. This hipster uses his elasticity to maximize his pool game and occasionally blow himself.


PRETENSION: 6

IRONY: 7

OCCUPATION: X-men junior varsity

49. ELASTIC HIPSTER