CLASSIFICATIONS

101. DUELING BANJO HIPSTERBILLIES

You might want to rethink that canoe trip down the L.A. river.  Chances are you’ll wash ashore in Los Feliz or Silverlake where the hipsterbillies don’t take kindly to tourists with “purdy mouths.”  Sure they may seem harmless with their curly-Q mustaches and their simple indie-country music, but you best be ready to squeal like a hipster, boy!

PRETENSION: 2, these are simple folk

IRONY: 8, but they are dangerous

OCCUPATION: psychotic redneck hipsters

                     “FRIVOLOUS WAyS”

                   by hipster hunter

   (to tune of u2’s “mysterious ways”)


Bono’s so rich he bought
his sister the moon.

bought her so many toys

To fill up her room.


She’s living like a queen,

castle in the clouds.

she just spends away,

thanks to her brother’s band.


It’s alright, It’s alright, Alright!

She lives in frivolous ways!


PRETENSION: 10, side effect of being rich

IRONY: 7, she looks exactly like bono

OCCUPATION: lives off her brother

103. DRIVE-BY HIPSTER HUNTING

This photo is the result of a hipster hunting drive-by.  These suckas were looking cool out in front of a gas station minding their own business when BAM!  They got caught slippin’.  But blondie was ready with his reverse peace sign.  So who’s laughing now?


Still me.

PRETENSION: 8, They’re hard to the core

IRONY: 6, Not old enough to hang in bars

OCCUPATION: Hipster gangstas

The art world is about to be anally raped by this devilishly dynamic duo.  They got the gumption and the ladder to blow every art critic away.   You think three million dollars is too much to pay for a solid gold dog turd?  You Obviously know nothing about art.

PRETENSION: 7, Convinced of their own genius

IRONY: 5, They don’t have a pot to piss in

OCCUPATION: Artists of the highest caliber

104. AVANT GARDE-STERS

Behold the love god’s hipster assistant.  This mischievous little love-monkey tosses back bottles of Grolsch before creating mismatched romances among his hipster kin.  He loves the irony of causing a hot whorespter to bang a 300lb geekster.  WARNING: Cupidster’s partial to roofies and the dirty sanchez.

PRETENSION: 8, drunk with power

IRONY: 6, so drunk he lost his arrows

OCCUPATION: drunken matchmaker

105. CUPIDSTER

106. BOMG-DROPPING HIPSTERS

It’s time to bust out the haz-mat suits because these techno dance party hipsters are dropping serious bombs on the unsuspecting masses.  No club, school or orphanage is safe from their indiscriminate acts of self-indulgence.  If you stop, drop and roll, you might survive their onslaught of awesomeness.  No guarantees, though.   

PRETENSION: 9, they are fucking explosive

IRONY: 8, collecting unemployment since 2005

OCCUPATION: hipster bomb squad

“Hush little hipster”

   by hipster hunter

(to tune of “hush little baby”)


Hush little hipster,

Don’t say a word. 

Cuz you’re nothing

But a big white turd.


And if you’re so drunk

You think you’ll die, 

Your friend’s gonna

Jerk off in your eye.


And when you soil

Yourself again,

Remember be grateful

For hipster friends! 

PRETENSION: 3, passed out too early to brag

IRONY: 9, can’t hold his liquor

OCCUPATION: ironic drunk

107. SLUMBERING HIPSTERHOLIC

108. PURPLE RAINSTER

HIPSTER HUNTER EXCLUSIVE: Back in Prince and Michael Jackson’s 1986 hey-day, they shared a night of unbridled passion and musical genius.  Together they wrote an amazing song deemed too brilliant for radio play.  But they also had a love child named Chance who gestated inside mama prince’s pompadour.  Both the song and Chance were kept secret until now. So let’s party like it’s 2009!

PRETENSION: 7, His purple pantalones are en fuego!

IRONY: 5, Doesn’t know who his real fathers are

OCCUPATION: Gets a % of Prince and Jacko royalties

A Picture=1000 words.

Three of them:

Holy fucking shit.

PRETENSION: RADIO SILENCE

IRONY:                “            “

OCCUPATION: HIPSTER MESSIAH...

FOR REAL THIS TIME.

109. PEREZ HILSTER

Back from the future, these hipsters are spreading tales of woe.  Everyone’s vegan, middle names are extinct, Cher is 40 again, and marriage is only between a man and himself.  He  should be able to type all this with the lasers installed in his retinas, but the phone companies got lazy and kept the hand held device intact.  Unless that’s their time machine too


PRETENSION: getting a murky reading but maybe...7?

IRONY: was murdered in 2012

OCCUPATION: waste management

110. 2020: A HIPSTER SPACE ODYSSEY

102. BONO’S HIPSTER SISTER