PRETENSION: 4

IRONY: 5

OCCUPATION: Interpretive dancer

CLASSIFICATIONS

Some Tokyo subway vending machines sell used pairs of

13-year-old girl’s panties.  Those perverted Japanese salary men think they are sooo clever.  Well hipsters have officially dropped another nuke on Japan: their own vending machine that solely dispenses the nectar of the gods: $1 cans of PBR!

PRETENSION: 0, It’s just a machine

IRONY: 10, But it’s still hilarious

OCCUPATION: Vending machine, dumbass!

32. VENDSTER MACHINE

“So you wanna get in our Hummer limo with our friend Tina you made out with all night, huh?” asks the cock-blocking hipster.  


“Well too bad, dude...Driver!  we’re making a pit stop at my coke dealer’s on the way to the after party.”


The whole limo laughs hysterically as they roll up the window and drive off...over your foot.

PRETENSION: $10 a minute

IRONY: 10, It’s scummy hipsters in a limo

OCCUPATION: Trustfundsters

34. STRIPSTER


“Believe it or not, this frumpster is not a professional stripper.  But she acts like one anytime she’s drunk and there’s a stripper pole nearby to gyrate on.  Her dismayed parents should sue Demi Moore and the producers of the film Striptease.  Hollywood, you really are the death of family values!”

35. BROKEBACK HIPSTERS


Set against the dingy LA dive bar scene and indie rock clubs, this is a love story about two young hipsters - a tattoo artist and a musician/waiter who meet in the summer of 2007, and forge a forbidden connection that provides testament to the endurance and power of love...and booze.


PRETENSION: 2

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Pool sharks

Hipsters celebrate Thanksgiving just like the rest of us, but they do it in style.  Fuck the family dinner table.  Really cool people eat their turkey in smoke-filled bars, Preferably with a Strokes song blasting in the background.

36. HAPPY HIPSTER THANKSGIVING

PRETENSION: 8

IRONY: 9

OCCUPATION: Turkey taste testers



The ironic moustache, tiny glasses and flannel coat say it all.  This is a philanthropic hipster whose heart bleeds for his fellow man.  his dollar will buy this junky street musician her next heroin fix.  he is indeed a great supporter of the arts.


PRETENSION: 4

IRONY: 5

OCCUPATION: Daydream believer

37. PHILANTHROPIPSTER

38. HIPSTER HAIRGEL HAZARD


FDA WARNING!!! 

Hipster Hairgel products are hazardous to your health. Hipster fashion will kill you!


Pros: Faux-hawks blossom, girls love it, can huff it.


Cons: Causes exhaustion, nausea, and death.


PRETENSION: 2

IRONY: 8

OCCUPATION: Ed Grimly impersonator

In the days of yore long before all night minimal techno parties  and the term avant garde there lived a man named Hip Van Winkle.  Hip chose not to be industrious, preferring a life of leisure and frivolity. One day Hip took a griffin egg-sized Xanax that made him sleep for centuries.  Hip woke up in our confusing modern world, where his old world fashion mannerisms have been embraced by the hipster community.


PRETENSION: 3

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Ancient gadabout

39. HIPSTER VAN WINKLE

The most promising young hipster designers assemble to bitch-slap each other to death for a design contract with American Apparel.  The competition is fierce between the gay emo biker, the gay preppy and the whiny fag hag.  But Only the most fagulous designer will win Project Hipster Runway!


PRETENSION: 10

IRONY: 4

OCCUPATION: Reality TV Contestant

40. PROJECT HIPSTER RUNWAY

31. HIPSTERS IN THE YEAR 3007


1000 years from now life as we know it will be gone.  Trees dead, ocean dried up, and remind me again what animals were.  But fear not.  Hipsters are well suited to a post apocalyptic future.  Drinking water will be gone, but light beer is plentiful and with no infrastructure, all clothes will be vintage.


PRETENSION: 5

IRONY: 5

OCCUPATION: Beer scavengers

33. COCK BLOCKSTER