Modern take on the classic 80’s cop show about young hip-looking cops who pose undercover as hipsters to target the scene’s drug, fashion and music crime.

“ “21 Hip Street” is like so accurate to real life on the hipster street, just like “The Wire” is just like real-life Baltimore.”


This is a tricky fells. Not too hot, not too old, not too young.  Basically, let wifey do the hiring.

“Joely and Richard hired this au pair from Belgium, but she didn’t work out.  So, they just hired a babysitser from the neighborhood.  I smell trouble.”


Hipsters are everywhere and they are everyones’ problem.  Feel your pants tightening?  Your whole outfit becoming a spectacle?  You can thank the hipsters for their ironic contribution to  the world of fashion, music, and whatever else they hate du jour.


No medieval court was complete without a court jester; modern Scandinavian royal courts have hipsters to entertain them with esoteric statements.

“King Sven called in his court hipster to entertain visiting Prime Minister Gordon Brown who was left baffled by references to vampire weekend.”


Just like the ravers, goths have also absorbed by the hipsters google-sized abyss.  Goths brooding outlook already puts them at an advantage with their dark new partnership.


The coolest of the cool hipster trying to be ironic throwbacks to the hep cats of the 1940’s.

“I thought that Hep cats were extinct until I saw some modern day hepster cats

swing-dancing in their snazzy tight pants.”


Hipster love is usually so hot it burns you twice...usually in the form of a cold sore, warts or painful urination.  Thanks Craigslist casual encounters!


When hipsters bust out a slip ‘n slide at a party and grease it up with light beer.

“Did you see the aerial billy pulled when he flew off the hip ‘n slide?”


The sacred snot a hipster excretes from their nose, which is a little more refined and aware of the issues than normal people’s boogers.

“That asshole Ken wiped his hipboogster all over my brand new track suit!  I can’t show up at a RUN DMC party with snot-covered threads!”


The kitchiest, most indie-rock part of the produce department.

“I love spreading ironically nutty peanut butter over my hipcelery, then placing radical raisins to make dudes on a bench, the hipster version of ants on a log.”


Many years from now when the hipsters completely take control of the human race they will celebrate 100 years of dominance upon our graves.

“Man, like, the hipcentenial will be so deck! I hear the beer-bots will pouring PBR and dissing everything they see.”


A priest, preacher or monk who is hipster-inclined.

“Man, the oasis church hipclergy have taught the skater kids that Jesus was a cool guy who would


1/2 man, 1/2 machine, all hipster.

“You better be armed with plenty of PBR to fight off the hipcyborg invasion.  Short circuit their thirst with plastic bottle whiskey.


When a hipster trains his or her hamster to consume beer, cigarettes and pharmaceuticals.

“Jerry’s hiphamster looked so funny trying to run on the wheel after we made it drink a

six-pack of beer.”


The demonic version of a hipster, likely as a result of a sordid past come back to haunt him or her.

“I swear that hipmonster movie about the evil fedora will give me nightmares for weeks.”


When a hipster destroys the efforts of another hipster, usually at the expense of some avant garde art instillation.

“I swear my glowing garbage can commentary on the role of modern women in the military fell apart due to Jerry the Jerk’s hipsabotage.”


Spit is spit, unless you are uber-hip and have precious saliva in your mouth that in your mind could cure cancer, AIDS, and absence of beer.

“I swear my hipsaliva saved an entire village in Ghana when I spit into their tainted okra and suddenly the the food was edible.  I’m a great golden god with my fedora crown!”


When hipsters great each other in some grand and bizarre ceremony where they might exchange hats or non-prescription glasses.

“Greetings and hipsalutations to all you nut-jobs perfecting your nonchalant eye roll!”


When a hipster salutes something they believe, as in not their country’s flag.

“Timmy looked to The Raconteurs poster and gave it a hipsalute before walking out the door.”


When a hipster finds faith, usually in a non-mainstream deity like the god of booze or a spaghetti monster.

“It’s a miracle!  I was at an art party in a warehouse dancing in the corner when I had a revelation: I am God so worship my faux-hawk.  Hallelujah!”


Hipster style of sarcasm, which is meant to be witty and evoke irony, even when none can be evoked.

“I walked into the bar wearing my new Gucci boots and was met by my artists friends with such mean-spirited hipsarcasm.”


A hipster student learning impractical, usually esoteric skills like welding dildos onto motorcycles.

“Have you met the disheveled applicants for the the Amy Winehouse Hipscholar award?”


Hop scotch when hipsters drunk on scotch do it inside invisible squares.

“Jerry’s bar is always packed on Tuesdays when they have hipscotch tournaments.”


When hipsters throw on a wet-suit, air-tank and hop into the nearest body of water like polluted rivers, ponds and ocean to admire algae covered shopping carts and mob victims in their cement shoes.

“There’s nothing more exciting than going hipscuba diving in the East River after downing a case of beer.”


Hipsters play Scrabble with a hard fast rule that only ironic slang count for words.

“You think you can just spell ‘cat?’  Seriously, bro!  Sure furbling or kittastic, but cat so doesn’t work for Hipscrabble.”


A hipster that performs administrative duties, usually in a half-assed manner while they upload drunk pictures of themselves on Facebook.

“The CEO fired yet another hipsecretary for making personal calls to her booty call in Japan, thus swearing off hiring anyone under the age of 30.”


A decapitated hipster who usually still sports the porkpie hat or faux-hawk.

“The record store was haunted by the ghost with the hipsevered head that played Devandra Banhart every time it appeared.”


The outline in the dark of someone so cool and indifferent that they don’t bother to show themselves in the light.

“Your faux-hawk looks so rad on your hipsilhouette as if you’re the only hipster to ever rock that time-worn style.”


When a hipster works steadily on something with little sleep.

“That rhinestone jacket must have been a hipslaborious project.”


A snail that approaches life with the pure disregard for normal convention such as destroying gardens, instead choosing to soak of spilled beer at hipster watering holes.

“Spongebob thought Gary was his most trusted pet until he found his hipsnail soaking up spilled crabby patty lager outside of Mr. Krabbs.”


When hipsters sleep they don’t snore, but hipsnore out of their ears because it’s way more indie-rock.

“I went to Roger’s place to crash, but couldn’t sleep because I listened to him hipsnore the night away.”


When a hipster is both arrogant and pretentious.

“You are such a hipsnotty cockface!  How can you ride around in a chauffeured Rolls Royce from dive bar to dive bar without giving your friends a ride.”


When a hipster feels remorse and actually apologizes.

“I’m like totally hipsorry for banging your sister.  It was the Pabst’s fault!”


An assumption that is totally hipster like assuming someone is holding out on their coke stash just because they’re sniffly from a cold.

“I don’t mean to hipspeculate here, but did you buy those corduroys' at Gap Kids? I knew it!”


It’s rare, but even hipsters can be inspired by some things that are usually mundane like a half-smoked Marlboro light 100 they find in the dive bar ashtray.

“Mom, I don’t care if I’ve spent all summer watching Buffy DVDs.  I’ll get off the couch when I find some hipspiration!”


A boat eskimo hipsters would use to hunt seals with.

“That polar bear capsized the hipspontoon, spilling the Eskimo hunters into the ice along with their village’s whole beer supply.”


Sports enjoyed only by hipsterlympians that are poor competitively, but rich with ironic 80’s tracksuits.

“Ultimate frisbee and bike messenger polo are hipsports famed for their cheeky tradition.”


A sudden growth in a hipster’s size, whether that’s an expanding waist from a strict beer diet or a hipsteen growing into his nut-hugger jeans.

“I’m embarrassed to admit this, but that Amy Winehouse porno gave me a little hipspurt, if you know what I mean.”


A hipster big foot who stole a fedora and blazer from an Atlanta hipster camping out in the backwoods of Georgia.

“The fearsome hipsquatch drank all my beer and gave my dog herpes before disappearing back into the forest.”


Even hipsters need stability, especially the ones who they claim their chaotic life contributes to their artistic disposition.

“Buying myself a prius with no money down gave me a feeling of hipstability.  I am the american dream...revised.”


When a hipster loses his or her shit, you need to calm them down by any means including hog-tying them and leaving them in a closet for a few hours.

“Randy went completely bat-shit insane smashing my new car so we had to hipstabilize before he hurt himself or I hurt him.”


The most delicious nut you’ve never heard of. 

Unlike sell out nuts like almonds and pecans, hipstachios are still underground and only like five people eat them.”


The coolest stadiums in the world according to hipsters, which are usually in extreme disrepair and totally ripe for gentrification.

“The only venue big enough to fit all the hipsters keen to see Grandpa hipster Michael Stipe and REM would be the hipstadium in the ghetto by the airport.”


When hipsters spend all day at a coffee shop discussing all the great shit they’re gonna do rather than downing their coffee, stubbing out their cigarette and doing it.

“I moved to new york to be somebody, but i ended up spending three years wallowing in empty beer cans and hipstagnation.”


The remnants of hipster indiscretions often found on couch cushions, the back seat of a Prius or in a toilet stall.

“Not even bleach can remove the hipstain Dave left on my roommate’s bed after he tagged that whorepster he brought home to our after party.”


Hipsters are too cool to take the elevator so they always take the stairs, even up 30 flights of steps.

“For once I wish the elevator was working because my tight-panted legs are too tired to climb up these hipstairs.”


Irony-rich deposits that drip from the ceilings of hipster watering holes.

“Last time I was in the Little Joy, hipstalagtites formed from filthy hipster sweat were dripping all over me and ate holes in my favorite Ed Hardy shirt!”


A secret hipster alphabet created to prevent mainstreamers from being able to decipher where the underground after-parties are on flyers.

“Luckily I studied the hipstalphabet in college or we would have been looking for Gina’s loft party all night long.”


Old man Rambo has a son who went totally hipster and now treats Williamsburg like his personal playground.

“You’re acting pretty hipstalone with those tight black Levis, fedora and boxing gloves, Rocky.”


The assload of energy required to keep up with hipsters on crack.

“I wasn’t sure if I would have the hipstamina to dance all night to that same CLAP YOUR HANDS AND SAY YEAH song.”


When too many hipsters crowd into a confined space rush out simultaneously, usually at the exact moment a band goes too mainstream.

“You should have seen the hipstampede right out of Spaceland the moment My Soggy Donut announced they are opening up for The New Kids on the Block reunion tour.”


A rarefied moment when one stands out among usually judgmental and unimpressed hipsters.

“I think that Christmas cardigan will make you a hipstandout at Toby’s ugly sweater party.”


The quantifiable measurement of how hipster a person or thing is determined to be by a hipster committee.

“Joe holds his friends and the height of their faux-hawks to a higher hipstandard than most, which is why he’s such a sexy manwhore.”


The forgotten city where hipsters 1000 years ago dwelled in relative peace and prosperity before pretentious pestilence wiped out this civilization.

“Archeology Professor McDougal discovered a rare antiquity during his recent Hipstantanople excavation: an ancient beer can.”


Star Search has been re-envisioned with hipsters in mind competing to see who can care less about the world at large.

“I though the sneering poet was a shoe in for this season of Hipstar Search.  Apparently the guy who didn’t even show up won.”


The war started by the Hipster Empire against the rest of humanity who don’t subscribe to their sarcastic ideals.

“Unless you embrace the ironic side, the Hipster Empire will destroy via their Hipstar Wars.”


The right side of a sailing boat that is captained by a hipster.

“Ahoy there matey, there be some vile harpies off the hipstarboard bow!”


Any corporate-owned coffee shop that pretends to be a local alternative to the global monster found in most airports around the world.

“Seattle’s Best Coffee and Peet’s are clever at appearing to be Hipstarbucks, yet they are just as corporatey and also exploit 3rd world farmers for their coffee beans.”


The carbohydrates that hipsters consume, usually through beer and assorted free snacks at dive bars like stale popcorn tossed with cigarette ash.

“All the hipstarch you are eating will go straight to your thighs and you won’t fit into those child-sized jeans any more!”


When you lose yourself in your moronic attempts to be so hip, so obscure and so absurd that you become a parody of yourself.

“Did you see becky’s neon pink leg warmers?  The girl is fucking hiptarded!”


Any venue that becomes a virtual fishbowl of hipsters where mere mortals can mix and swing with their hipster counterparts.  Beware the roving hipster blob that threatens to consume and convert the average Joe or Jo into a minister of cool now called Johann or Josey, respectively. 

“That bar ‘such and such’ in Atwater Village used to be so divey and chill.  Now it’s a total hipstarium.”


Mucking something up from it’s original luster by way of ridiculous hipster behavior.

“Putting a fedora on an ancient buddha statue will totally hipstarnish the sanctity of the relic.”


Magical cards that predict a hipster’s future like when the next rent check from their parents might come.

“I used the hipstarot cards to predict how much money I could get from selling my diploma on eBay.”


It looks like your average carnival ride, but a steady dose of T Rex, Iggy Pop, and Franz Ferdinand playing on the P.A. sets it apart from your nephew’s horsey joyride.

“I hear Sunset Junction might have a hipstarousel this year.  Sick.”


Hipsters vanity when it’s taken to bloated levels of self-importance.

“Flavio is the most hipstarrogant model I’ve ever met with his entourage of alcoholic low-lives in tight pants.”


When an enchanted starry evening is complimented by the company of hipsters who validate it with sarcastic commentary.

“I realized it was a hipstarry night when Rod and Mischa blasted DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE from their loft rooftop while drinking a case of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Wine.”


A painting based on Van Gogh’s classic, but set outside an uber-chic coffee shop in Echo Park.

“Behold, the most beautiful painting created in the last five minutes: Hipstarry Night!”


Taking a hipster by surprise.

“Jonas was hipstartled when his roommate walked in on him pleasing himself to the Vice Magazine photo spread.”


A hipster lifestyle of beer and stale popcorn lacks the proper nutrients that prevent osteoporosis or scurvy.

“Johnny is on the verge of hipstarvation after touring with his band across the Pacific Northwest.”


A sense of stagnation set upon by sedentary loafing on a barstool.

“We lost poor Miguel at the Steve Aoki show to hipstasis so we just went out and danced our asses off.”


When a hipster carries themselves in a regal manner.

“I swear Ronnie thinks himself a hipstately prince Hipster the way he wears his fedora like a crown.”


Statistics gathered for the purpose of making sense of hipsters lifestyles and passions.

“To understand the hipster culture, one must only look at the hipstatistics such as how much beer is consumed per household.”


A hipster who can’t keep their mouth shut and drops dimes on their fellow hipster.

“I thought Roger was cool until I found out the fucker is a hipstattle tale who told my girlfriend I was banging her sister.”


Where a hipster stands in relation to their ironic community.

“I’m not sure you can be in this coffee shop considering your low level hipstatus.  I mean I can barely see your package under those jeans!”


Believe it or not, there are a few hipsters fiercely loyal to the G.O.P.  WIth Ron Paul gone, Mccain is in.

“Vincent Gallo hosted his fellow hipstaunch Republicans, serving Pabst Blue Ribbon and spamburgers at his $15-a-plate John McCain fundraiser.”


When hipsteritus sets in and gestates in ones body, usually a sign the patient has been lost and must be put down.

“After Corey’s exposure to the roving band of hipsters, hipstation set in and before long he was one of them and had to be destroyed.”


When a whorepster says she’s 18, you best ask to see her ID because 15 gets you 20. 

“Tino thought he was so cool when he was banging that cute high school hipster chick until her parents found out and charged him with hipstatutory rape.”


When a hipster is calm and orderly, a rarity when alcohol is involved.

“The only way we’re going to be hipsteady enough to build this house of cards is by laying off the coffee for the next month.”


When one hipster steals from another, usually right underneath their nose.

“Slick moves, Ace.  I saw you hipsteal the last line of blow while Carlos was busy telling everyone the story about his first vibrating pen.”


A hipster’s ability to sneak by unnoticed, usually thanks to tight clothing and being light in the loafers.

“Those were some seriously hipstealth moves you used to break into your ex-girlfriends apartment.”


When Mississippi hipsters take over old riverboat gambling boats and turn them into a late night happening authorities can’t hassle.

“Dude, Saturday night I was hipsteamboat gambling on the river and lost my entire collection of hats going all in on a game of quarters!”


Tectonic plates suddenly move from the accumulated pretension of too many hipsters simultaneously talking about their favorite local bands.

“The Winchester lofts sort of just crumbled to the ground from the hipstearthquake caused at Natalia’s loft after-party.”


The tops of the groovy churches frequented by Jesus freaks in tight pants and hats.

“I could feel my soul rise through the ceiling and past the hipsteeple when Reverend Barry started playing the guitar ballad to signify my man J.C.’s. struggle against evil.”


A herding cow dressed with a porkpie hat and has an obsession with how its udders look on camera.

“That hipsteer is the most ironic cow I have ever met.  It’s almost like it’s black spots were painted on its hide for kitsch factor.”


By far the most funky and ironic beast from the Jurassic period.

“I heard that Todd got himself a miniature hipstegosaurus to walk around the Silverlake dog park.”


A telescope that only sees the like-minded people who spend hours at the farmers market sampling in their favorite hat and non-prescription glasses.

“Thanks to the hipstelescope, I was able to spy a dealer across the park.”


When whorepsters shop for shoes in the Good Will Bargain Bin and buys an ugly pair of heels, circa 1987.

“Rosie couldn’t decide between the hooker boots and the hipstiletto heels to complete the skankily ironic look she was going for.”


Some hipsters push the whole analog communication so far that they skip the brick phone and just send messages with dots and dashes.

“I knew I was cool when Steve Aoki sent me a hipstelogram inviting me to his exclusive birthday party.”


Shorthand hipster communication like: OMFG! & Ridic.

“I needed a glossary to interpret the hipstenography written on Sheila’s esoteric hipster blog.”


When hipster culture births something sensational.

“Did you see Jason’s latest invention, the automatic beer opener?  It’s hipstensational!”


The somber music hipsters listen to when they’re feeling low.

“Stevie Ray Vaughnster knows exactly how I feel when he to plays the hipster blues.”


The biggest day in hipster sports where the finest hipsterlympians play their ironic little hearts out.

“No one was more surprised than me to watch Drake score a touchdown at the hipster bowl after downing a whole case of PBR.”


Yes, that’s right.  Hipster crack.  These hipsters have taken the whole tight pants thing so far they’re buying jeans at baby gap.  The result is a delightful display more commonly associated with plumbers.


On the rare occasion something is funny enough to make a jaded hipster laugh.

“I totally had a hipster ha ha moment when I heard that Jethro’s tight corduroy pants caught on fire while he was rollerblading.”


Shockingly, hipsters are treated like 2nd class citizens in some places.  That’s why there are havens for lost, confused hipsters to rest their drunken bones.

“When Holt was traveling through the dangerous hippie country of Colorado, he had to take refuge in a hipster haven for fear of getting his faux-hawk scalped.”


This dance move is similar to the hippie hippie shake, but a whole lot more self aware and done to evoke irony.

“Sarah is the master of the hipster hipster shake.  She just shakes her head back and forth all night in disgust.”


A mashup of indie rock and old school hip hop generally heard in between live sets of whiny emo rock.


Hipsters don’t square dance per se, but they sure can burn the barn down with their signature emo jigs.

“I was scared my clothes weren’t hip enough for Williamsburg until I got invited to a hipster ho down where everyone loved my pink spandex assless chaps.”


Most hipsters are godless liberals who choose not to pray to Jesus, but worship lesser gods like Pete Dougherty and Blake Fielder-Civil.

“While my co-workers visited their families back home, I went on a hipster holiday where I drank four cases of PBR and smoked a carton of parliaments.”


A mashup of indie rock and old school hip hop  Generally heard in between live sets of whiny emo rock.  A pox on the house of he who says hipsters aren’t well-rounded!


Even Hipsters can find true love...among their own ranks.  Sorry you silk-striped shirts from Manhattan and Santa Monica.   S.O.L.


Everyone’s got ‘em now. The gays, the lesbians, the Chechnyans.  This particular group of homogeneous organizers will not only buy up all the great real estate, but they will have babies born with cooler haircuts than you will ever have.


The wizardry magic of harry potter lore is so lame and mainstream.  Hipsters in the know practice a form of magic so obscure it hasn’t even been invented yet.


You have to be a real square to get around town in something as lame as a car.  A real hipster prefers two wheels, tight jeans and knock-off raybans.  Without a comb over, why bother?


Hipsters just can’t get a break in some neighborhoods: the landlords won’t rent to them, grocers won’t sell to them, and cops will harass any arrogant dude in tight pants.

“I swear, my Polish neighbors are so prejudiced.  I’m like a total victim of hipster profiling!”


Much like a broken hip, sometimes when a hipster gets old, like over 30, they deteriorate from all the booze and blow and thus need to be replaced.

“Ever since our group got a hipster replacement and traded out scuzzy old steve for that cute 20-year-old Chick that rocks the belt over t-shirt look, we’ve reached a new height in cool.”


Williamburg, Silverlake, Camden Town, etc. all belong to the hipsters who frolic together in uniform nonconformity.


Maserati has released a model marketed towards rich hipsters that looks beat up with a broken CD player, torn cloth seats and cigarette burns in the dash for the modest price of $150K.

“We visited my friend Mike at the Silverlake street fair in our Hipsterati Turbo and man was every hipster in the bar impressed, especially when we cranked our blown out stereo system.”


Cobrasnake and the many wannabes jockey for position of king of alternative portraits.  May the best hipster win!


Southern hipsters that fled the likes of Nashville, Athens, and Richmond and headed for the hills. 

“My buddies and I were on a canoe trip in the tennessee sticks when we were accosted by a pack of psychotic hipsterbillies!  To this day, my ass has never been the same.”


A hipsterized exaggeration.  Examples:

“Brooklyn is the center of the Universe.”

“My labradoodle only eats once a week.”

“If you want really good mole, you have to go to Oaxaca.”


Any hipster who claims to be one thing in an effort to be cool, but then does the opposite.

“Can you believe that hipstercrite Cash was talking all that bullshit about being vegan and then we catch him in the closet eating a steak with a bottle of vaseline?”


The greatest hipster prophet who knows of all of the coolest parties and events before they happen.

“Joel is a total hipsterdamus.  He knew Ashlee’s fete would be off the hook.  I mean he’s like psychic or something.”


When an entire neighborhood is totally infested with hipsters and there’s nothing you can do but watch in horror and denial.

“Grandpa, tell us again about The great hipsterdemic of 2009 when Williamsburg collapsed into the sea under the weight of empty beer cans and cigarette butts.”


Quesedilla made with pretentious ingredients like mango, brie and candied walnuts.

“Bryan celebrated Cinco de Mayo Silverlake style with cans of Modelo and hipsterdillas that spilled all down the front of his Ed Hardy t-shirt.”


The most glorious enterprise ever conceived by man...if that man was drunk at an LCD Soundsystem show.  It’s actually just a condemned converted warehouse down by the river where they throw totally deck art parties.

“Did you hear what happened to Stu at the hipsterdrome?  He was dancing so hard in his tight pants that he cut off the circulation in his legs, fell over and broke that condom tree installation!”


Invasive brain surgery that lobotomizes the part of the brain where the hipster lobe resides.  Usually authorized by concerned family members.

The hypothetical operation ridding an individual (male or female) of their hipper-than-thou attitude.

“That faux-hawked skank better stop staring at me, or i’m gonna walk over there an give her a hipsterectomy.  wait, is that belinda?”


When a hipster rigs his/her stereo up to play their whiny indie-rock tunes at the perfect pitch.

“Rudy’s hipstereo plays Arcade Fire songs way better than your crappy home stereo, plus it’s covered in rad stickers he picked up at the show.”


The many carbon copy hipsters who mimic other hipsters in an effort to define themselves from the swarming sea of hipsters.

“Just because I’m wearing a fedora, skinny tie and a pair of Converse does not make me a hipstereotype!”


Hipsters are notoriously secular and commit their own brand of heresy through ironic little “fuck you”s to any and all forms of “God”.

“Using the candle we stole from the church for our kinky sex acts on stage at the loft party was total hipsteresy.”


When something is made comfortable to a hipster and provides back support. 

“Sheila bought some hipstergonomic knee pads to avoid lower back pain while performing fellatio in indie-rock club toilet stalls.”


From kung fu disco to zombie-fighting hip hop, every generation has their own brand of superhero, hipsters are no exception.

“Hipsterhero Ironicus keeps our neighborhood safe with the principles of beer, irony and the gentrification way.”


Sadly most hipsters are also alcoholics, but the arrogance of youth has them believing blacking out on cheap beer and scotch is just a clever “fuck you!” to their parents.

“Being a hipsterholic in AA is tough, bro. Without the beer buzz most of my music collection kind of sucks.”


A hipster who kills not for bloodlust, but for irony.

“Tina became a hipsterial killer because she wanted to fit in with an avant garde troup of hipster mimes that terrorize the city by ‘boxing them in.’”


The toxic nature of the hipster lifestyle sometimes leads to a low sperm count.

“After a decade drinking a case of cheap beer every night in close proximity to a speaker blasting indie-rock has left me hipsterile.”


When hipsters make margaritas they usually substitute the tequila with Dewars and lime juice with nothing.  Muy authentico!

“Davey had us over on Monday for hipsteritas and a Piñata, which turned out to be filled with condoms and cigarettes.  Ole!”


A Heretic who dares to question the basic tenants of hipsterdom, like when the Jews questioned jesus during the spanish inquisition.  If hipsters ever start their own indoctrinating religion, us regular folks better repent or run for the fucking hills!


When an ethnic or economically challenged area becomes too hip and/or ironic due to an enclave of pretentious young adults.


Graffiti made by hipsters meant not as social protest, but as ironic social commentary.

“Cornelius’ hipsterfitti slogan “Drugs are gay!” spray-painted across the BI-GAY-LA headquarters was just so clever and ironic.”


A period of madness in one’s life where they find the sudden urge to dismiss, diss and piss on anyone or anything lacking in the same style of conformed nonconformity.


When items found in the hipster community have a short shelf life like muttonchops, bike shorts and bindles of blow.

“I wouldn’t take that hot pink headband on the camping trip if I were you.  It’s more hipsterishable than Colour Me Badd in the 90’s.”


A highly contagious influenza that causes a severe tightening of the pants, involuntary comb overs, disdain for all that is popular and an inflated sense of self.


Mexico City hipsters favorite kind of beans.

“Enrique loves eating hipsterjoles and ironic organic rice with his his morning cerveza.”


Modern day Chakakahn, but way more indie.  So indie in fact only her roommate has heard of her.

“I really was going to see the Hipsterkhan show at the Coffee Connection, but then I realized I didn’t want to.”


In rare cases, hipsters are known to really like how some things taste, usually cheap beer or black-tar heroin.

“Have you eaten the acai berry pancakes at sophia’s vegan restaurant?  They are totally hipsterlicious with a shot of dewars.”


The most valuable precious metal in the hipster community.  Gold is dead, platinum is gay, but hipsterling silver is the great uniter. 

“The entire hipster economy is actually backed by a vault full of hipsterling silver in Williamsburg.”


The newest MTV Networks channel dedicated to the  hipster demographic with shows like DOUBLE DISS, REN & STEVIE, and SPOILEDBOY TIGHTPANTS.

“Dude, put on Hipsterlodeon.  The Pete Dougherty’s preschool show is on.  It’s the “Just Say Yes to Drugs, Kids” episode.”


A moment between grandiose proclamations from a babbling hipster that is typically drunk.

“We were grateful for the hipsterlude between Andy’s soapbox speeches about the follies of the new beer tax and his plans to fight city hall.”


A revolution on a hipster scale where all the cool kids take up a cause like Save-the-Methadone-Clinic!

“The hipsterlution will not be televised!”


Hipsters can be athletes too, right?  Apparently.  This sporty specimen is training in his tightest jeans and t-shirt uniform for some future touch football tournament.  But seriously, dude.  If you’re taking it seriously, why bother?


The great hipster astronomer who discovered the constellation the Drunk Dude.

“Hipsternicus the greatest hipstronomer alive today has discovered an enormous roster of heavenly bodies...mostly belonging to whorepster groupies.”


Trigonometric studies of the triangulation in hipster relationships.

“To understand the love triangle that is Rose, Scott and Tina would require some serious hipsternometry, and none of us is that smart.”


There are a few hipsters armed with the power of hypnosis.  Warning to parents: They will secretly convert an entire generation of kids who will revolt against your loose panted ways.

“Dude!  Brett totally used hipsternosis to get Pascal to buy him the case of PBR and that bottle of Dewars.”


the human sternum is remarkably resilient to blunt trauma, but most hipsters toxic lifestyles cause them to squash like an aluminum can when they are hit by a baseball bat.

“Lorax’s oh so fragile hipsternum protects his oh so emo heart.”


the selfless act of heroism from one hipster to another.  Say you spent all your money at the thrift store, but you need a beer.  By handing you over the $1.50 for the libation, I have committed a hipsteroic act.  Your welcome!


A trip to austin or elsewhere in the universe that signifies cool.   This person quoted below is about to go on one:

“F’ that,  Prague is so ’04.  I just got a ticket to Helsinki.  I heard it’s a great place to find inuit metal-working at cost.”


Whether it’s Silverlake or Williamsburg, hipsters always stake out their own territories.  It’s like manifest destiny with the pesky indians being the ethnic minorities their trust funds price out of the neighborhood.


The largest and certainly hippest water dwelling mammal found on land.  They usually wear tiny porkpie hats they collect off the African hipsters they’ve stomped on.

“That baby shambles show totally rocked until that herd of hungry hungry hipsterpotamuses just had to eat the band!”


The helpless emotion a non-hipster feels when surrounded by an army of hipsters who tear might them apart via judgmental disses. 

“Jody nearly soiled her pantsuit in a fit of hipsterror when she got stuck in an elevator with a pack of hipster dudes who could have been a boy-band.”


A conversation between hipsters where they talk about obscure bands or compare ironic fashion tips.

“Tina and I kicked it in the dive bar all night having a hipstersation about whether the good will or salvation army is a better place to score kitschy t-shirts.”


The fossils of an unknown breed of dinosaur was discovered recently in Brooklyn’s McCarren Park with a skull shaped like a porkpie hat and ultra skinny legs.

“I heard the hipstersaurus ruled the Jurassic Period by putting down all the other less with it dinosaurs.  Like the T-Rex with his tiny hands.  I mean, come on!”


The most prized mushrooms at any farmers market, generally left in a bag to watch rot as a reminder of the fragility of life.

“Man these hipstertake mushrooms taste amazing in your organic vegan goulash!”


Any hipster band that sells out like Hoobastank.

“I can’t listen to Pashmina Pashmina anymore because they went so hipsterstank ever since their song was used in that Grey’s Anatomy episode.”


The last remnants of the Galactic Hipster Federation boarded a spaceship converted from a carnival cruise ship and now hurtle through space in search of the mythical planet Ironictur.

“All the greatest indie-rock acts left earth for the chance to play aboard the Hipsterstar Galactica.”


There’s a cannibal tribe in east Borneo that only eats hipster tourists marinated in


“The naive eco tourists made themselves at home in the quaint tribal village of the Ironikloompa, unaware these hipstertarian savages were about to cook them for lunch.”


When marketing to the hipster demographic you need must undersell the product by saying something irreverent, or better yet irrelevant.

“Nothing gets me off quite like jerking it to American Apparel’s hipstertising.”


The latest public health scare caused by promiscuous hipster behavior, known to cause color blindness, which results in fashion blindness.

“Pamela Anderson had it bad enough with hepatitis C, but then that lovable skank had an orgy with the entire Fallout Boy band and caught a nasty case of hipstertitus C to match.”


Capabilities hipsters bring to the table, usually making macchiatos, or dissecting the complexities of Arcade Fire songs.

“Kelly had to lay out her entire hipstertoire, from her art history degree to giving head in porta-potties in order to land the job at the coffee shop.”


Halitosis is bad enough without hipsters enhancing their toxic breath with stale beer, cigarette ash and last night’s regrets.

“When Shelly stumbled into the cafe still drunk, she opened her mouth and her hipstertosis killed the flowers on the table and my appetite.”


TV shows hipsters actually watch.  e.g. Flight of the Conchords.

“I tried watching some hipstervision, but like everything was so mainstream and lame.”


A mixture of random food boiled together for hungry, unparticular hipsters .

“Sheila prepared a foul-tasting hipstew out of turnips, hot dogs and three-day old red wine that kept us fed for a whole week.”


Similar to an oil dipstick in a car, hipsters can measure the irony of any situation by poking people with the sharp end.

“Seamus poked people at the bar with his hipstick to make sure the vibe was deck enough before entering Little Joy.”


Uptight hipster who lives strictly by the hipster lifestyle and harshly judges those who don’t.

“Merryl is such a hipstickler for wearing hats.  Not one of her friends has left the house in the last two years without at least a headband.”


Uppers like meth, cocaine and triple-shot espressos that keep hipsters going all night long.

“After rocking out at a loft party last night ‘til 6am, it’ll take a every hipstimulant I can get my hands on to stay awake at work.”


Every hipster curses President George W. Bush’s blunders including his tax cuts, yet they can’t spend their $600 on beer, t-shirts and sushi fast enough.

“I couldn’t afford this rhinestone studded denim vest without my hipstimulus check.  I’ll let my grandkids worry about paying it all back.”


Awarded when a hipster defines themselves through greatness in a field like loafing or boozing.

“Shirley deserves an award of hipstinction for building that 100-can-tall tower of BUd Light.  You go girl!”


When a hipster’s B.O. reaches critical mass.

“Roger and Dory were ripe and hipstinky after coming back from the Siren Festival.  We had to hose them down before letting them in the indoors.”


When a hipster needs more roughage in their diet and less ramen and cheap beer.

“I haven’t dropped a healthy deuce since I moved to Brooklyn.  Must be hipstipation.”


When all the art supplies are gone, the ipod breaks and the whiskey bottle’s dry, vapid hipsters are forced to make old-fashioned conversation.

“I swear I was going hip-stir crazy when everyone stopped talking about my new faux-hawk.  Fucking dicks.”


There actually are a few selfless hipsters who channel their efforts into social activism rather than figuring out new ways to sport their comb-overs.

“The only thing loggers in central park hate more than hippie activists is those self-righteous hipstivists with their tiny glasses and hats.”


Hipsters practice their own form of democracy where the will of the people is secondary to the will of fashion.

“The Independent Republic of Williamsburg annexed itself from Brooklyn and became the first hipstocracy until they predictably ran out of food and had to reunify with New York.”


A young child born to hipster parents who dress their wee one in mini-fedoras and ironic jammies.

“When my hipstoddler shits his pants it is way more ironic than when your lame toddler wets the bed!”


Hipsters like to think of themselves as principled, even if that means just clinging tightly to their narcissistic nihilism.

“Ted was hipstogmatic in his appeal for us to accompany him to the supermarket to buy more whipcream for whippets.”


When hipsters take photographs, they focus on the bleak, mundane, ironic subject matter, entirely eschewing aesthetics.

“Hipster porn is the worse because the histography always has the couple out of focus in the background, while you watch a close-up of a cigarette left to burn in an ashtray.”


When an item such as a fedora, beer can or girlfriend is stolen right out from under you.

“I knew I shouldn’t have brought my new girl Candy out to the loft party.  She was hipstolen by Jasper the interpretive dancer.”


A new product from Stoli vodka that caters to the lowest common denominator...made from rubbing alcohol. 

“Boris had the most kick-ass party with tons of whorepsters and three handles of hipstolichnaya everyone mixed with gatorade.”


When hipsters break into Stomp-like drumming routines in, banging on road bicycles, alternative weekly newsboxes, or their own hollow heads.

“As soon as Lisa started banging on her notebook, everyone at the Coffee Table broke into a Hipstomp.”


A small republic within the larger country of Estonia.  This magical land has no gross national product but boasts the most coffee shops per capita anywhere in the world.

“I bought this gorgeous book of anti-establishment poetry written in a recycled leaf book while on vacation in estonia.”


Doctors sometimes require stool samples to help them fight off the most severe cases of hipsteritus. 

“When my pants suddenly were too tight and every shirt I owned evoked Irony, Dr. Dementio insisted I provide him with a hipstool sample.”


Every subculture has their own opera and none is so obscure, so self aware, so pretentious as the the hipster opera with its driving indie rock melody and chorus of falsetto junkies.

“R Kelly’s Trapped in the closet ain’t got shit on Jack White’s new hipstopera about a forbidden love affair he has with his guitar.”


When you eat too much turkey the tryptophan can sing you a lullaby.  Soak that bird in PBR and baste the gravy with blow and you got yourself a proper hipster Thanksgiving.

“I passed the fuck out at our orphan hipster thanksgiving when the hipstophan kicked after my fourth turkey and tonic.”

DEF 2: Similar to the sleepy-time chemical tryptophan released in turkey, but comes out of a can, is carbonated and comes in packs of 6, 12 and beyond.

“Our Thanksgiving feast of beer and Cheetos caused the hipstophan to kick in hard and I passed out on the can...again.”


Cosmetic surgery indulged in by hipsters, usually faux-hawk extensions or tattoo removal.

“Tio looks like he belongs now after his hipstoplasty replaced his stupid rosy smile with that totally rad permo-smirk.”


A stoplight covered in flyers for indie bands, stickers for indie websites, and an indie rocker leaning up against it.

“That Mercedes almost took out Joel who was leaning against the hipstoplight, rolling his own cigarette.”


When hipsters behave and color in the lines.

“That’s it, Mikey.  Lead the class out of the yoga class in a hipstorderly fashion.”


Where hipster keep their prized goodies like a lifetime supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon won in a poetry slam competition.

“Do you mind checking the hipstorehouse for my collection of minimal Detroit techno records from the late 80’s?”


An Oreo cookie when it’s enjoyed in an unexpected, ironic way like dipped into a whiskey sour or crumbled on top of fish.

“There’s nothing I like better after playing a show than a Hipstoreo shake mixed with crushed Valium.  Yummers!”


An area in Queens, NY that is so hip and ironic, it makes Williamsburg look like the Upper East Side.

“My new loft space in Hipstoria is so deck.  I feel sorry for you Brooklyn kids who think it’s still 2005.”


A rare moment in history when something happens that is so significant, a hipster will actually acknowledge its significance.  You know, like when that Pinkberry finally opened up down the street.


That mythical bird that delivers hipster babies to good hipster couples usually unmarried and underemployed.

“Bless the hipstork for dropping off a second bundle of joy, especially considering we’re already having trouble feeding the stork’s first bundle of joy.  That bird’s a deadbeat.”


An item used in everyday life that is completely and totally  natural and likely recycled from the Lost and Found bin.

“This rolled cigarette tastes different, probably due to the hipstorganic salvia leaves added for flavor.”


A specific and impossible to comprehend method of organizing oneself not with alphabetical or Dewey Decimal System, but rather filing things by color, taste, and psycho-tropic effects on the brain.

“The only way you’re going to find those White Stripes tickets is if you hipstorganize your pad starting with the kitchen.”


The ancient hipster art of folding paper to create everyday shapes like beer cans, nerdy glasses, or a cocaine straw.

“You truly are a master of hipstorigami!  You shaped little men that look spot on like the members of the Strokes.”


A tempest created by too many hipsters doing a drunken rain dance by accident.

“Joey’s house party created a hipstorm that made the emergency sprinklers rain on them.”


An ornament with no value to anyone besides those that appreciate the ironic kitsch value of items like a half-melted G.I. Joe.

“You have no idea how valuable that hipstornament is on E-Bay.  You could get at least three bucks for that wind-up Hamburglar car.”


When a bastard child of hipster parents ceases to be a chic accessory and is left to be raised by grandma while Mom and Dad spend their weeknights at after hours clubs.

“Poor Lucius became a hipstorphan after his mom left town to be the resident Baby Shambles groupie.”


The centrifugal force that sends a hipster around a keg of beer.

“Did you feel the hipstorque as my Prius circled the bar looking for parking?”


When a hipster experiences something mainstream that they detest so much they can’t help but complain at full volume.

“That new Of Montreal album is so hipstorrible.  Do those guys think they’re fooling anybody by pretending to be bonafide indie-rockers?”


When a hipster has evidence of your wrongdoing and holds it over your head unless you pay them in free lattes at the coffee shop you work at.

“I can’t believe you’re threatening to tell my girlfriend about the girl I banged last night if I don’t give you the rest of this bag of blow.  That’s hipstortion!”


The ultimate authority on hipster culture that documents the exploits of kids who love being observed like an animal at the zoo.

“I swear that Terry Richardson and his Vice Magazine photoshoots is the ultimate hipstournalist.”


A conservative, traditional hipster lifestyle where one abstains from work and lives on a strict diet of beer and Hot Pockets.

“I don’t think I have the discipline to live a historthodox was of life considering my vices like exercise and safe sex.”


A hipster’s trachea that has been scorched by a hard life of misgivings and mistakes repeated infinitum.

“I could barely hear Ozzy through his virtually unusable hipstrachea.”


Something that will distract a hipster from their task at hand like an ironic t-shirt, amazing mustache or a celebrity siting like Beck.


When a hipster mounts another hipster, generally in public and always to an Indie rock soundtrack.

“Just when I though it was safe to leave the house, a whorepster hipstraddled me at  Hot Chip show.”


Any branch of the notable grocery that is populated (read: infested) by hipsters. “I’d drive to Arcadia before dealing with that Hipstrader Joe’s in Silver Lake”


There is a railroad dedicated only to traveling hipsters, the only ones who can see the invisible tracks leading to glory.

“Jonah and James hopped aboard the hipstrailroad from Williamburg to Bed Stuy never looking back at the life they left behind.”


When a hipster turns his/her back on the hipster lifestyle in favor of fame, fortune, or a bag of speed.

“Stu was mighty hipstraitorous when he sold out by signing a record contract, wearing tailor made clothes, and not drinking himself to death.”


When you have a crew of passed out hipsters on a trampoline.

“We were so ready to bounce around, but it was a hipstrampoline loaded with my sister’s boyfriend’s cousin’s best friend’s friends.”


When you are out for a night with some hard-partying hipsters having too much fun at the after-after-party so you can’t just go home.

“I knew I should have driven to the Burning Man Decompression party rather than hitching a ride with Mischa the coke queen.”


Sometimes a new hipster trend takes a stranglehold on popular culture and fashion. 

“That whole tucking-tight-jeans-into-kneehigh-boots look has a hipstranglehold on every girl 18-40.  God help us all.”


An exchange of good and services done on a black market level, usually orchestrated via craigslist.

“Can you believe I made a hipstransaction on myspace trading paypal money for weed?”


A device that levels the hipster playing field.  Whether you’re male or female, taking or giving, everyone’s having a good time.  If Tegan and Sara were lovers and not sisters, they’d probably use it. Hmmmmm....


Despite the popular misconception that Hipsters are apathetic haters, the truth is it’s part of a subtle strategy for world domination.

“Mr. Caruthers didn’t realize that Troy’s indifference to being fired from Starbucks was part of his hipstrategy to collect unemployment.  Take that corporate america!”


A vital method to thinning out the diseased (mostly Herpes and Clamydia) hipster herds through castration and neutering when necessary.  The fashion crime rate has already dropped substantially in most test cities.


Where hipsters travel when they reach the higher reaches of the atmosphere, usually in a hot air balloon.

“Life is so much cooler up here in the hipstratosphere where nothing mainstream ever happens besides the occasional flock of geese flying south for winter.  Feathered sellouts.”


When a crisis in a hipster’s life becomes so ridiculous in its scope that it is practically a farce.

“I swear Meredith’s life is a total hipstravesty.  She just goes around the office telling everyone who she caught herpes from and who’s she has spread it to.”


A strawberry so indie that only people who like unripe, inedible fruit can enjoy.

“Man, check out all those Hipstrawberries.  That is the most ironic fruit plate I’ve ever seen!”


When a hipster runs in public naked, save for their favorite hat, mustache and smug indifference to anyone hating on their naked form.

“Bobby went hipstreaking down Glendale Boulevard, but no one seemed to notice.”


Similar to the Gulf Stream, but it circulates hipster culture throughout the world with its own centrifugal force.

“The ankle scarf coming back in style traveled along the hipstream from Camden Town to Williamburg and beyond, and before long every hipster I knew was wearing one.”


Sexy, single and drunk hipsters heading home via mass transit at 4:30am.

“Jamie knew it was on when he met Sheila in the polyester tracksuit heading home to Brooklyn on the L Train, his beloved hipstreetcar named desire.”


Hipsters generally hate anything rave-like, but sometimes they’ll bust out the strobe lights to be ironic. 

“I nearly went into an epileptic fit from those god damn hipstrobe lights.”


A geometric triangle with ironic angles.

“Have you, like, ever noticed how in aerial photos of Williamsburg it’s totally built with hipstosceles triangles?  that is sooo ironic!”


Def 1: When a hipster takes it to the limit...usually their alcohol tolerance or pretension level.

“Did you see Mischa’s totally Hipstreme Bouffant?  Her hair totally got chopped off by the ceiling fan!”

Def. 2: When hipsters takes things to the extreme, usually to evoke a sense of kitsch or sarcasm.

“Holy shit!  That game of bike messenger polo was totally fucking hipstreme!”


Something that is particularly exhausting for hipsters like waking before noon to go to work or playing sports that aren’t kickball.

“Man, my job is so hipstrenuous.  Can you believe the coffee shop expects me to be at work at 11am?  What do they think I am?  Kunta Kinte?”


Many married men have other women on the side.  Some bang their secretaries, Others models.  Yet some go as low as to keep a hipster chick on the side.

“No one quite knew why the CEO bankrolled his hipstress’ addiction to designer headbands, cheap beer and cigarettes.


The pain and suffering a hipster endures in the course of his/her daily conflicts with cops, taxes and open container laws.

“Man, like the hipstrife I deal with every time I walk out of the door in jean cutoffs over leopard tights is almost enough to make me dress less ironicly.  Almost.”


The ever-evolving theory explaining the quantum physics behind the baffling hipster rules of attraction.

“I can imagine only hipstring theory can explain the reason why a hottie like Tess would go home with the dude in the Rainbow Bright t-shirt.”


Stroganoff where you substitute beef for hipster flesh. 

“I know these German cannibals in Williamsburg who make the best hipstroganoff.  Yummers!”


Strollers for the most indie-rock babies where the fabric is usually made from vintage misfits concert tour t-shirts.

“Have you seen Sven’s new kid’s hipstroller?  I can’t believe it has a built in beer cozy!”


The San Francisco treat when it’s loaded with hipsters.

“The hipstrolley took out a microbus right at the Haight and Ashbury intersection.”


The universe is guided by forces beyond our comprehension. So when a hipster totals their car or get knocked up they can avoid personal responsibility by blaming the fucking stars.

“I would get off this couch and look for a job, but my hipstrology horoscope says I need to be careful today.”


A musical instrument used by hipsters that requires a lot of arm pumping, usually more for effect than for actual music.

“That hipster jugband had a hipstrombone player who rolls his eyes and wiggles his ears every time he blows his horn.”


The study of the hipster cosmos such as the constellations Orionic, the drunk star and the big & little hipsters. 

“After downing a case of PRB, Dave and friends laid back on his Prius, stared up at the stars and practiced their hipstronomy.”


When a hipster does something amazing that earns respect from their rarely-impressed peers.

“Did you see Natalie get 40 million points in pinball with a Marlboro sticking out her mouth?  She is hipstrordinary!”


The cumulative effect of hipsters’ destructive tendencies.

“Right after Spaceland favorites ‘Gay Robots from Mars’ finished their set, security swept the hipster crowd into the street and began cleaning up after the night’s hipstruction.”


When hipsters obstruct justice to get out of prosecution from crimes like possession or playing really bad music.

“Amy Winehouse’s hipster husband Blake Fielder-Civil try to pull a fast one, but ended up with an additional charge of histruction of justice.  What a moron!”


German pastries sold in coffee shops frequented by trendy hipsters usually served glazed by an aloof barista.

“Dude, have you tried the hipstrudel at Maggie’s Coffee Shack?  The cinnamon apple one is dripping with irony.  Yummm!”


An especially slutty whorepster who speaks like she’s in an 18th Century Irish novel.

“That Kelly be a right said hipstrumpet, pulling off her knickers for a crumpet.”


A five-o’clock shadow on a hipster.

“Tommy best sober up, shave that hipstubbble, and put on a tie if he’s going to make his hearing today.”


When a hipster holds fast to their opinion, no matter how misinformed they are.

“Tino is being hipstubborn and won’t let me drive even though he’s totally wasted.”


When a hipster is trapped in a situation they hate, but put themselves in like catching herpes knowing full well she is a whorepster.

“I swear Jason is hipstuck paying child support to Angie.  The poor bastard didn’t even demand a paternity test!”


A boat out on the open waters that will tow other boats that carry beer and whorepsters, but refuses to help the stranded boats.

“Thank go we could convince those arrogant bastards to use their hipstugboat to pull us in even though I had no sluts on board.”


An antique Studebaker when driven by a hipster who blings it out with terry-cloth seats, built in beer cozies and a kitschy 8-track player.

“Tory thinks she’s so cool driving around her gas-guzzling Hipstudebaker around Athens, belching smoke at the Prius drivers.”


Every college campus is awash in these psuedo-students focused more on their wardrobe and who they’re banging than what they’re learning.

“Professor McCracken has cancelled Intro to Shakespeare until the registrar removes the hipstudents who smoke in the back of the lecture hall from the roll sheet.”


Where artistic hipsters go to make their ironically-glorious craft.

“Luther was in the hipstudio all night making his masterpiece: a reversible plaid necktie.”


A talk given by a hipster to endorse a political candidate, usually at a five dollar a plate fundraiser.

“Skylar really convinced me to give money to Ron Paul after that stirring hipstump speech.”


A barren, arctic wasteland populated only by hipsters.

“The famed faux-hawk billy goat ate every last it of shrubbery on the hipstundra.”


When someone’s looks razzle dazzle even the most judgmental hipster audience.

“That trash bag mini-skirt made your ass look totally hipstunning.”


Most big name actors will call in a hipstunt double to perform dangerous hipster activities on camera such as alcohol bingeing, wearing skin-tight pants or listening to indie-rock.

“Topher Grace refused to leave his trailer until his hipstunt double arrived to pretend to actually be a fan of Arcade Fire.”


A mound of earth erected into a holy shrine that contains hipster relics, like the used cigarette butt of Benji Madden.

“Every year I make my pilgrimage to a hipstupa in Echo Park to pay tribute to a cocaine straw used by Amy Winehouse.”


When you perform a feat that blows the minds of even the most cynical hipster like downing a fifth of whiskey in a minute flat.

“I saw the most hipstupendous thing at Maureen’s loft, she smoked a cigarette know...down there.”


D’uh.  Uh.  huh?  like, you know... 

“Rosetta is so hipstupid for banging the entire band without a condom.  I really thing those tight pants are cutting off oxygen to her brain.”


An engine fueled by irony and self-loathing.

“The vegetable-oil run Volvo engine crapped out when the hipsturbine complained too much about being overworked and under-appreciated.”


When a hipster soups up something so it is slightly cooler, but far less practical.

“We hipsturbo charged my Prius.  Now it goes 5 miles per hour faster, but gets worse gas mileage than a Hummer.”


The tipping point when a congregation of drunk, angry hipsters reach fever pitch frustration and expensive things often break.

“I swear Shari and Rachel were going to come to blows in crazy hipsturmoil over a set of hair extensions.”


A natural disaster where gale force winds fly out of arrogant hipsters mouths and destroy everything in their path.

“Hipsturricane Bill nearly wiped Williamsburg off the map. Close one!”


When a hipster has a speech impediment.

“You have to feel bad for Jeanie because she looks so hot in tight jeans, but she can’t make herself heard because of that damn hipstutter.”


When a hipster is so high he or she sparkles with glee.

“After taking a nitrous bong hit, Cedric began to hipstwinkle and light up the sky.”


When a hipster overreacts and throws a hissy fit.

“Can you believe the hipsty fit Mara threw when she banished me from her life for drinking her last wine cooler?”


A mortgage packaged for an irresponsible and unqualified hipster who got caught up in the property-buying bandwagon in a gentrified neighborhood.

“I really thought we were going to make our loft situation work with this hipsub-prime mortgage, but the or paintings never sold and the rates jump.  I don’t understand what happened!”


A speaker meant to play the bass heavy sounds of indie rock bands.

“Turn up the Kromeo and let’s put this hipsub-woofer to the test!”


When hipsters take control by passive aggressive force.

“We were overwhelmed with apathy when the hipster tribe subjugated us into becoming part of their tight-pants clan.”


A feeling of warmth and happiness that hipsters experience only after consuming drinking coffee, beer and whiskey in one kick ass cocktail.

“Listening to the band Sublime while huffing paint thinner makes me feel so hipsumblime!”


Something that isn’t up to the specific standards of a particular hipster who is looking for something undefinable.

“I swear that ugly Christmas sweater is hipsubstandard compared to mine with the snowman that has holes eaten into it by moths.”


Hands down the coolest teacher a high school class could have, shirt and tie tucked into skinny jeans, refuses to teach the syllabus.

“You guys are so lucky you got the hipsubstitute teacher and get to draw logos for your fictional bands, while we have to study the periodic table of elements.”

Def. 2

A substitute teacher that shows up wearing the required tie, but skinny jeans, visible tattoos and a disregard for the lesson plan.

“The children were overjoyed that mean old Mrs. Crankenforken was out sick and they had a hipsubstitute teacher that spent the class discussing his musical influences.”


The place hipsters-turn-parents move to raise their kids next to like-minded hipster folk.

“I swear, Highland Park is the new hipsuburb to be in with all the awesome gentrification!”


A hipster’s attempt at evading too much notice, which usually involves dressing down into pink and white striped spandex tights and a purple Mao hat.

“You guys are acting really hipsubtle bringing 40’s on the stoop in front of those cops.”


Southern fried hipsters side dish that goes well with PRB beer can chicken.

“Man, the hipsuccotash at the potluck was totally totally.”


A sinister whorepster that sucks the motivation right out of a talented artist wooed by her promiscuity and access to drugs.

“Rodney could have been the next Slash if he hadn’t gotten mixed up with that hipsuccubus Shelly.”


Hipsters don’t fight in the traditional squaring off, but they occassionally will hit you when you aren’t looking.

“Everything seemed to be all good with Robby until I turned to grab my beer and he hipsucker punched me in the balls.”


The deckest form of antihistamine that can be used to make some killer bathtub crank.

“After a night out snorting whatever they could get their hands on, Joanie and Rachel were stoked to have some sudafed to ease the pain.”


The sweetest kind of sugar that is dripping with irony.  Yummy!

“Tito refuses to flavor his homebrewed coffee he bought in Nigeria while backpacking with anything other than hipsugar.”


When food reaches a pinacle that even a pessimistic hipster can appreciate.

“That stale popcorn flavored with cigarette is so hipsumptuous after dancing hard.”


The day of rest for hipsters who’ve worked themselves to the grave binge drinking and smoking in weekday after-hours clubs.

“I would come to the late night art warehouse party, but it’s hipsunday so I’m playing kickball.”


Hipsters avoid the sunlight like Dracula, but on occasion the sun manages to penetrate and leaves a mark.

“Robby thinks he’s still one of us, but after a week in Hawaii with his parents, he should know he can’t get away with that hipsuntan.”


A hipster that surfs and is sure to mention often that he surfs...a lot.

“That hipsurfer thinks he’s so cool with his surfboard, fedora and tight cut off jeans.”


What hipsters live off for nourishment, usually light beer and stale tortilla chips.

“Without a little hipsustenance provided by the Dunkin Donuts dumpster, Corey and his band would have starved to death in their garage rehearsal space.”


Outline of the coursework for classes in hipster related studies such as Photoshopping Yourself into Relevance, Microbrewing, and Recognizing and Minimizing Venereal Disease.

“After reading Professor Too Cool for School’s hypsyllabus, I realized there’s no way I can adhere to his class’s strict dress code of tight black jeans and vintage Converse.”


The Hogster clearly took the DARE program mandate of “just say no” a little too seriously.  Just say no to exercise, healthy diet and proper hygiene.


Every four years a leap year hipsters gather to have an ironic leap party where their indiscretions don’t count.

“Thank god last night was a leap hip-year, otherwise I’d have to count Herman on my list of dudes I’ve banged.  Phew, What a relief!”


The proud hipsters of the world who shun the trappings of a traditional house or apartment in favor of a dilapidated old pencil factory.

“I would love to live downtown if it weren’t for the bums, that methadone clinic and those arrogant loftsters bringing down the property value.”


A self-improvement scheme hipsters hatch before the new year like quit drinking, slutting around and/or harshly judging everything in their line of sight.  These are invariably forgotten by the afternoon of January 1st.

“Sharon made a New Year’s hipsterlution to stop fellating every tall guy she met wearing a vintage Van Halen tour shirt, but then she met Chad at an after party and...well you know what a ho she is.”


National Hipster Radio.

“The only radio station I trust is NPBR.  I mean how else will us hipsters know what music to hate?”


Most ravers died honorable deaths and got jobs.  A few wandered aimlessly until the hipsters made room in their manger.  Some day they’ll crack the code for minimal techno/indie rock fusion.  


An intergalactic space station where hipsters from every inhabitable planet gather to argue about bands.

“That space hipstation has gotten way too mainstream ever since those douchebags from Uranus started playing Red Hot Chili Moonrocks.”


Nothing says I’m living the hipster trust fund dream like wearing a hat usually worn by working class truckers you would never associate with in real life. 


When right wing organizations make it difficult for hipsters to vote since most of them are filthy liberals.

“I swear, the GOP was way into voter hipsuppression when they offered free lattes for anyone who can prove they did not vote.”


A reasonably attractive hipster chick with promiscuous tendencies.  These specimens respond favorably to such mating calls as: “You wanna go back to my place and blow lines and fuck?”