17. KAZAKHIPSTER


This Central Asian Hipster travelled by chicken bus, freight train, and under barbwire to be with the whorepsters of the world.  He makes romance inside their tight pants.


PRETENSION: 4

IRONY: 10+

OCCUPATION: International man-whore

CLASSIFICATIONS

11. SERGEANT PEPPSTER


This fine hipster specimen feels gypped about missing the 60’s.  So he stole the jacket off John Lennon’s corpse then took Debbie Harry’s prized headband. 


It’s Sgt. Peppsters Lonely Hipster Band. 

He doesn’t care if you enjoy the show.


PRETENSION: 10

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Sperm donor

12. CLARK KENTSTER


Don’t be fooled by his mild manner and sizzling good looks.  This guy is the superman of hipsters.   Unhip villains are shitting their loose-fitting pants right now.


PRETENSION: 8

IRONY: 5

OCCUPATION: Reporter at the Daily Bugle

13. RAVESTERS


Most ravers died honorable deaths and got jobs.  A few wandered aimlessly until the hipsters made room in their manger.   Some day they’ll crack the code for minimal

techno/indie rock fusion.


PRETENSION: 4

IRONY: 9

OCCUPATION: Sign holders

14. GOTHSTERS


Just like the ravers, goths have also absorbed by the hipsters google-sized abyss.  Goths brooding outlook already puts them at an advantage with their dark new partnership.


PRETENSION: 6

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Coroners

15. HIPSTER MAGIC


The wizardry magic of Harry Potter lore is so lame and mainstream.  Hipsters in the know practice a form of magic so obscure it hasn’t even been invented yet.  A coven of witchsters nearly killed me for taking this exclusive photo.


PRETENSION: 9

IRONY: 6

OCCUPATION: Fortune tellers

16. BIONIC HIPSTER


After this hipster was tragically trampled during a strokes show, a team of NYU grad students rebuilt him using spare iPod parts.  Now he saves the world one soy latte at a time.


PRETENSION: 10

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Aerobics instructor

   18. HIPSTER SUPERHERO


Ironicus was just another cooler-than-thou hipster until he drank a can of turpentine he mistook for his trusty can of pabst blue ribbon.  Now he protects his fellow hipsters from society’s scorn using his bullet-proof fedora, turbo-charged moustache, and supersonic superman cod piece.  Haters like myself beware!


PRETENSION: 8

IRONY: 10

OCCUPATION: Barista

  19. GEEKSTER


In between playing World of Warcraft and reading comics, the Geekster finds his thick rimmed glasses and quirky hobbies give him entrance into the dark underworld of the Hipster.  Suddenly he isn't the the kid in the back of class grasping for his inhaler, but the mysterious guy whose pants are inadvertently just tight enough to be part of the club.


PRETENSION: 2

IRONY: 9

OCCUPATION: Video Game Tester

*Sent from Spy in Portland, OR

In life these hipsters sucked the suds out of PBR cans; in death these hipster zombies wander the streets looking to suck on human brains.   Naturally their food supply lies far outside the hipster food chain.

PRETENSION: 0, Cuz they’re dead

IRONY: 10, Cuz they’re dead

OCCUPATION: Med school cadavers

20. HIPSTER ZOMBIES